A question I am often asked is whether Conscious Tribes are polyamorous... “Surely Polyamory is the obvious, natural, flowing way in which the members of a Conscious Tribe would relate to each other” people suggest, “after all, the idea is to co-create a new kind of family, isn´t it? And to be fully open to each other...”
FULL OPENNESS & POLYAMORY
Firstly let me say that, as I understand it, “to be fully open” to another person doesn´t necessarily mean to want to relate sexually with them.
I understand “to be fully open to another person” to mean to be open to our own physical, emotional and energetic experience while in the presence of that other person – to not hold ourselves tightly or tensely in their presence, or be resistant to their impact upon us. I understand “full openness” to be another way of talking about Radical Honesty. And I understand it as an aspect of Conscious Relating.
I might be in your presence, and experience irritation, agitation and rejection arising in me. I might feel a joyful, expansive union with you at the energetic level, but little resonance at the physical level. I might feel your presence opens me to unacknowledged trauma... In other words, I feel we can be fully open to others, and deeply, trustingly bonded with them, and even be fully committed to the same Conscious Tribe - without feeling the desire arise in us to engage with them sexually.
So if by ´poly + amor´ we mean ´many + love´, then - yes, of course Conscious Tribes are Polyamorous! Or, at least, on the Path of Polyamory – on the path of learning to live in Universal Love together. But if by ´poly + amor´ we actually mean ´poly + sex´ - that is, that the norm of the Conscious Tribe is that everyone relates sexually to everyone else - then no, Conscious Tribes are not intrinsically polyamrous. Let me put it like this:
The foundation of the Conscious Tribe is not “being fully open to each other”, it is “being fully open to ourselves” - and within our own, unique experience we might find ourselves quite closed to another person. We might feel threatened by their presence, and a need to protect ourselves. Perhaps this is because we intuit a latent aggression in them (of which, perhaps, they are not even aware) – or perhaps we are projecting on them – re-creating and re-enacting our historical fear of aggression – or perhaps both, or perhaps there´s yet another factor present. But my point here is that “feeling closed” to someone does not contradict the direction of the Tribe – because the foundation is not “being open to each other”. In fact by self-observing, and respecting the fact that we feel closed, and sharing honestly what we´re feeling – we´re affirming the direction of the Tribe, which is “being open to ourselves”.
The foundation of the Conscious Tribe is being open to our own, unique experience of the indefinable moment (Radical Honesty) - and communicating that experience from Essence to Essence (Conscious Relating). Conscious Tribes are not founded on the principle of Polyamory. That said, on top of this foundation a Conscious Tribe might structure itself as a combination of monogamous couples and ´single´ individuals; as an entirely polyamorous group; as a mixture of monogamous couples, polyamorous threesomes and foursomes, and some ´single´ individuals - or in whatever way it chooses! That´s for each Conscious Tribe to decide.
A WORD OF WARNING & THE FOUNDATIONAL QUESTIONS
But (if I may!) a word of warning... I feel that if we are not in love with our own, unique present moment, if we are not seeing everyone (whether we are sexually attracted to them or not) as beautiful, crazy, unique expressions of The Great Mystery - then our Polyamory will not be part of our co-creation of new, alternative, conscious cultures. It will be the perpetuation of the unconsciousness we say we seek to go beyond - a titillating, even thrilling unconsciousness perhaps - a liberation, perhaps; or a healing, even - but it will not, in any direct sense, be the co-creation of new social structures (Conscious Tribes), or a contribution towards the creation of new, conscious cultures.
So first things first... And I feel the first thing is learning to live together in openness-to-ourselves – and thus co-creating an energy field of Universal Love - a love that is not physical - that is not even emotional. I see this as an all-day-everyday learning – an existential enquiry that requires our full attention.
And to sustain this learning I´d say we need to be continually asking ourselves two foundational questions - which we could phrase like this:
Question One: "am I feeling myself inside The Great Mystery in this moment?" No? Then “what do I need to do to return to feeling the Beauty of my Belonging - to re-enter conscious, honouring relationship with my body, my emotions, my surroundings, and my overarching energetic sense of the moment?”
Question Two: as I relate to this other person, “am I feeling the Mystery of their Uniqueness, and am I feeling my own?" No? Then “what do I need to do to once again feel both our Difference and our Oneness?”
I´d say these are the foundational questions. These are the questions we need to focus on, if we want to co-create qualitatively different cultures. I´d say there is nothing ´wrong´ with Polyamory - but there is nothing ´right´ about it either. In and of itself it can be as conscious or unconscious as Monogamy. The issue is not with how many people we can or can´t relate sexually - but how consciously we relate with everyone - in whatever way we are relating.
As I have said, I believe that to form a Conscious Tribe is a noble endeavour - a whole-hearted, all-in commitment to shaping new cultures for ourselves and our descendants. It is to truly walk our talk. And I offer my deepest respects to everyone who takes up the endeavour. Let´s form Tribes - and meet regularly, and explore and practice all of this together. Then we can link Tribes and form Communities. And then link Communities and form new Cultures. Yes. And...
I feel we need to be humble, and recognise that we still stumble, and enter denial, and self-deceive, and indulge our addictions, and easily lose our way. So that while we are still learning to live in openess to the moment and each other, and are still obsessed with repetitive thought, and still tend to objectify the world – let us bear in mind that sex can give powerful, temporary relief from our feelings of loneliness and separation... but that that doesn´t mean we need to legislate for it! We don´t need to set up new rules that make it OK to have sex with everyone – as if that would guaranteee the elimination of our feelings of loneliness and separation for good!
So again, as I have said: I believe there is a path to be walked – together - and this is where we need to focus. Not on who has sex with whom. Let that be as it may. And if two people want to commit ´to death us do part´ - let that be as it may too. Let´s not be controlled by reactivity to the restrictions of the past!
In my opinion, the global megacrisis is intensifying, and the disastrous, self-destructive consequences of our unconsciousness are becoming ever-more self-evident – so let´s, some of us, commit to living as Conscious Tribes. Then, come what may – at least the seeds of new, alternative cultures will be in the ground.
THE CELEBRATION OF THE EROTIC
And to be clear: I´m not saying “forget about the erotic - first get present!” In my experience, presentness is erotic! Presentness is delicious! Just as absence is dull and numb - presentness-to-the-moment is alive with a thousand flavours!
Our return to the natural world, and a more natural way of life, is a return to our connection with the sweatiness of summer, and the wind on our flesh, and our fingers in the wet earth, and all of the smells the disinfected, dominant culture would repress...
As we move outside again, and don´t just look at the world through windows, and start to refuse the pornographic seduction of The Inside Life, and remember the contrasting sensations of generationally-forgotten comforts and discomforts – we rediscover our sensual relationship with the Earth.
We plant and harvest and cook our own food – and remember the taste of things. Our urine and excrement become fertilisers and compost. We value our piss and shit. We find our bodies again. We don´t feel we have to be clean all the time. We don´t feel we shouldn´t smell. We love our bodies again. We de-domesticate! We love our nakedness - and everyone´s perfect uniqueness. We see the colours of the flowers. We see our own skin. The dawn rises inside us. We soften with the sunset. The full moon becomes a storm inside us, and the dark moon empties us to the stars. We drink water like liquid gratitude, and watching the other creatures drink – we overflow with joy. We see the butterfiles sucking pollen from the flowers. We see the swallows dance in the air. Life is erotic. We are erotic. We are life.
As we turn away from artificiality - from the universe of asphalt, plastic and screens – and start to feel the world again, we feel the Mystery of Existence again – and it feels amazing! An energetic pleasure ripples through our bodies!
And then meeting each other in The Pleasure of Presentness - our hearts break open with each other´s beauty – we see each other´s innocence and foolishness and kindness and pain – and the breaking of our hearts is a deliciousness beyond compare!
So I am not saying “no” to Polyamory. Nor am I saying “yes”. I am saying first things first. As we learn to live in our unique, subjective experience our bodies fill up with The Natural Eroticism Of Presentness. Then we don´t need sex in order to relieve the dullness of our absence. Then - when we make love - our sexual exchanges are needless; a celebration; erotic oneness; love at play; an opening to everything through each other...
Then - when we live together in the Eroticism of Presentness, then we can decide whether our Tribe will be polyamorous or not, or to what extent it will be polyamorous – not from lack, but because we are asking which structures best support the tribe´s shared Path of Presence and Love.
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Mark Josephs,
"Mark the Mystic Activist"
Aragon, Spain
Autumn/Fall, 2024
This article has been rewritten for
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